The Fisk Five (+1): The birth of Kaity

For those who are interested and not squeamish with gory details, here is my fourth (and final!) birth story.

The morning of June 1st started bright and early as we had three children to get up and over to Grammie's before going to the hospital. The night before, after a delicious spaghetti dinner provided by some friends, I had an hour or two of early labor. Unfortunately, by bedtime the contractions had tailed off. This pattern had been repeating itself every evening for the last week. At my 40 week appointment 5 days earlier, my doctor, my husband and I had decided to set an as needed induction date of June 1st. I really didn't think I'd make it that far as I'd never gone that long past my due date. However, my doctor was due to leave the country June 4th and I wasn't comfortable waiting and taking whichever doctor was on call. So on Wed morning, June 1st, we found ourselves heading to the hospital for my third (and final!) induction.

We got there at 7:30 am after picking up a little breakfast. I actually beat my nurse to the room, so just kind of settled in and wandered about while waiting for her. When I was checked at my 40 week appointment I was 3 cm/70% effaced, which is by far the most I'd been prior to any delivery. I was hoping that they could just break my water and things would start without the use of pitocin. I am grateful to have a doctor that was willing to let me try. After starting my IV, monitoring baby, and checking my cervix ( I was now about 3.5 cm dilated), I was cleared to get up and walk a bit. At 8:30, my doctor broke my water and oddly enough no fluid came out. Kaitlyn's head was so well applied to my pelvis that nothing could get around it. My doctor had to push her up a little to get some fluid to come down in order to make sure it was clear. That was almost as painful as the labor. Once baby is down, there is no going back the other way!

I got up to walk again and did so for the bigger part of two hours, just coming back every so often for my nurse to check on the baby. Sad to say I had very few contractions during that two hours and none that I couldn't walk through. It was a nice time of uninterrupted conversation with my husband though. It's so very rare that it's just the two of us that I soaked in that time with him. When my two hours was up, my nurse rechecked my cervix and while it had changed a little (now at a 4) I still wasn't in an active labor pattern so the pitocin was started. I knew going into this that breaking my water first and then starting the pitocin was going to make labor all that much harder, but I vowed to still stick it out as long as I could.

The first two hours (10:30-12:30) were relatively easy. I was able to read, talk, and basically focus on other things. I sat for awhile on a birthing ball by the side of the bed and did some standing too. My movement was limited due to being on continuous monitoring with the pitocin. By 12:30, I was really starting to hurt and "social labor" was over. I was already having to moan through contractions, which seemed to be coming pretty quickly. Even with all the pain I was determined to make it to 1:00pm before caving in and asking for the epidural. At one point I remember Kyle asking me what it felt like. I told him it felt like some one was trying to remove the lower half of my body from the inside. I remember looking at the clock at 12:45 and thinking that this was the longest half hour of my life. Finally 1:00 came and when my nurse came into to adjust the pitocin I asked her to check me. I was now at 5 cm and ready for the epidural.

It probably wasn't but 10 min before the anesthesiologist came, but of course while waiting it seemed much longer. They sat me up for the epidural and while this Dr was nice she was exceedingly slow and methodical. I appreciate her care in not making a mistake, but when it comes to labor pain management time is of the essence. She got the interthecal(?) part of the epidural in and I started to get some relief in my back and lower abdomen. I was still having quite a bit of pain though, more then I remember with other deliveries. I was moaning/crying now through every contraction and looking for something to bite. Weird how the primal instincts kick in like that. My poor nurse probably thought I was going to bite her as she picked up on my need and rolled up a washcloth for me to clamp down on. It actually helped a lot. I really was trying to remember all the relaxation techniques I'd learned, but it just wasn't working. It took the Dr two sticks and way too much time to finally get the epidural catheter in, but then she couldn't figure out how to get the pump to work. In the meantime, I went from getting some relief to none at all again. At 1:20 I asked my nurse to check me again as I was feeling all my pain in my super-pubic area. She did and I was now at a 6. I was really trying to hold on and hoping for some relief soon through the epidural, which the Dr was still trying to get working. She ended up just giving my fentanyl boluses through my epidural, which was just too little too late. By 1:40, I was crying through every contraction and feeling like I was going to be giving birth through my urethra! I asked the nurse to check me again as I was feeling a lot of pressure in addition to all the pain. I was now at a 9 and all of a sudden everyone kicked into high gear getting ready for the delivery. At this point, my contractions were right on top of each other and I wasn't getting any break. My nurse had compassion on me and finally turned down the pitocin.

Again I had to wait... this time for my doctor to arrive. It must not have been that long, but I remember saying over and over "when is he going to get here?" I had a strong but not irresistible urge to push. Mostly I just wanted the pain to be over with. He got to my room probably around 1:45 and I was allowed to push with contractions (which thankfully I was getting a break in between again). I was having all of the many normal symptoms of transition (which even while having I was able to recognize). Pushing didn't seem to help the pain, but at least I felt like I was making progress toward ending the pain. I think I pushed through 3 or 4 contractions. By now, I was really in so much pain that I was reacting purely on instinct. I am embarrassed to admit that with my last contraction of pushes I screamed like a feral cat through the whole thing. I knew what I was doing in one sense and yet couldn't stop myself either. I can never remember screaming like that in my entire life.

Kaitlyn Shea was born at 1:54 pm with no complications. I was so emotionally distraught that that I could barely comprehend her birth. I have some funny pictures of me and her right after she was born, my face pretty much says it all! Lol! Despite my feeling of losing control, my husband reassures me that my pushing and delivery was very controlled and I only had a 1st degree tear along my old scar line. The epidural medicine never really kicked in. I had total control of my legs (though slightly tingly) and my Dr had to numb me up to sew the small tear. So I guess I can say I've experienced close to an unmedicated birth and to be honest I didn't find it appealing at all. The pain was severe, but more then that it was how it made me respond. I fear/hate losing control more then anything. While many other women share this fear, often they maintain control by having natural childbirth at home or in a hospital. I'm strangely the opposite. I feel that many of modern medicine's interventions help me to better maintain control and have a better birth experience. However, when all is said and done, my experience matters little. What matters is that both Kaity and I were healthy and whole.

Recovery went well and though I did have a strange headache, either from all my crying/emotional breakdown or the epidural, it was pretty easy. My husband was amazing and stayed strong for me the whole way. My mom too, who was waiting just outside, didn't seem freaked out by all my screaming. Their support was invaluable. We had a nice overnight in the hospital and were ready to go the next day.

So that is my birth story in all it's glory. It's not the type of story I wanted to "end" on, but I am realizing that even when things go more to my liking I still am not in control. God is and I am grateful for four healthy children.